A New Struggle
by IzziMeyers
Summary: Though the war is over, Hermione finds herself faced with a new struggle, one that nothing she'd ever learned has prepared her for.
1. Chapter 1

Hermione walked out the front door of the burrow with a troubled mind. She had never been so confused, nor so unprepared, in her life. She had always thought that when the war was over, she would finally be able to find some peace and stability, but it seemed that she could never have it so easy. In fact, she felt more vulnerable now than she did while on the run. There they had protective charms, and strategies, and a way of fighting back if it came to it, but what was there to fight back against now? This was happening whether she liked it or not; she had absolutely no control over something for the first time in her life. She took in the fresh air slowly and gratefully, allowing it to clear her mind. Of course, this changes everything. She felt guilt, mixed with anxiety, mixed with confusion, mixed with fear, mixed with…joy? She tried to clear her head and go back to the way things were just moments ago before she knew, or even a week ago, before she suspected. When she heard the sound of dinner beginning behind her, she knew she had no choice but to return inside.

She sat down next to Ron, like always, and tried to behave normally, even though she was incapable of speaking. She gave her best attempts at laughter when jokes were told and her best attempts at conversation when questions were asked. She felt grateful for the cover the large family provided her; with the conversation jumping from person to person most everybody was too busy to notice anything off. Occasionally she would find her mind wandering, her fork hovering immobile over her plate, her eyes staring at nothing, but she always manages to correct herself before anyone notice. She was struck by the pure normalcy of the moment, the way everyone was smiling and at ease; although she knew it was ridiculous, she felt like even that was jeopardized for her. Throughout the meal her jaded smile seemed to appease nearly everyone; Ginny, however, kept giving her odd looks. After finishing half, Hermione pushed her remaining food around on her plate, not feeling all that hungry, until Mrs. Weasley stood up to do the dishes. Hermione joined her.

"Oh, you don't have to dear, I don't mind," said Mrs. Weasley kindly. She waved her wand and a cloth flew cleanly into her waiting hand.

"No, it's fine, I don't either." In truth Hermione wanted something to distract her, and she thought that scrubbing dishes would be just the thing. Plus she couldn't help but think that it would be nice to spend some time with Mrs. Weasley while she could.

"Oh no, I suppose you don't," said Mrs. Weasley with a comforting smile. There seemed to be a lot of unsaid things in the look she was giving, and that just made Hermione's stomach squirm even more. Mrs. Weasley turned to the sink and sank her hands in the bubbly water, Hermione following suit. "Anyway," Mrs. Weasley continued, "it will be good practice for when you have a house and a family of your own!"

Hermione blushed and scrubbed harder. Mrs. Weasley misinterpreted her embarrassment.

"Oh! But of course you're not thinking of that right now, it's much too soon-"

Hermione dropped her plate into the sink, where it shattered as cleanly as her confidence. She repaired it and mumbled something about not feeling well, excusing herself to her room. She climbed the stairs, trying to ignore the migraine that was settling itself comfortably above her right temple; she had been getting a lot of those lately. With each step she heard the voices from downstairs drifting farther and farther away, until she heard nothing but indistinct mumbles. This suddenly made her want to cry, but with taming both a migraine and a squirming stomach she simply didn't have the energy to do so. When she to the room she shared, she collapsed on the cot she'd been sleeping on, intending to fall asleep. Ginny, however, had other plans.

"What's up?" Ginny strode in only seconds later, sitting on her own bed.

"Nothing," Hermione tried to lie, which of course didn't work. "I just have a lot on my mind, I guess."

"Yeah, I can see how you'd be so stressed, what with having school out of the way, and having just defeated the greatest dark wizard of all time. Yeah, there's a lot of room for stress in your schedule." Ginny began digging through her dresser with her trademark smirk plastered on her face.

"I'm serious, Gin," Hermione said, her head pounding with each syllable.

"Okay, then what is it?" She turned back to Hermione, a pair of pajama pants in hand.

Hermione hesitated. She didn't want to tell anyone, but she knew she would have to eventually. Was it worth telling Ginny, who'd most likely tell Harry, who'd bug her to tell Ron? She wasn't sure if she was really ready for that yet. The room seemed awfully bright, and she closed her eyes to appease the building pain in her head. "Just…some stuff I can't get out of my head."

"Oooooh," said Ginny with mock understanding, "oh yeah. Stuff is tough, definitely." She turned and rummaged for a shirt.

"Ginny." She wished they would stop talking so she could sleep off this migraine; her vision was now swimming, not helping her stomach at all.

"No, I'm serious! Stuff just gets in the way so much!" She closed her current drawer and opened the one beneath it, not bothering to look at Hermione when she spoke.

"Ginny, I-"

"I hate when stuff happens in my life, it's just so-"

"Ginny! I'm pregnant."

Ginny stopped midsentence, turning abruptly to stare wide-eyed at Hermione, who lowered her head.


	2. Chapter 2

"What? When? _Who_?" Ginny asked, trying to make sense of what she just heard.

"Ginny, calm down," Ginny stared imploringly. Hermione sighed. "Well, for starters, it's Ron's." Ginny gasped, although Hermione didn't know why. "Well who else's would it be, honestly?"

"Yeah, I know. I don't know why I was surprised. But when?"

"It was after the war ended, everyone was at the ministry but Ron and I. Harry was taking care of stuff with Kingsley, you were there waiting for him, and your parents were dealing with…stuff." What they were dealing with was the paperwork involved with Fred's death, but it was still too soon for anybody to talk about that freely yet.

"So as soon as the house was empty you two just went at it?"

"No! We started by just hanging out. We were trying to act normal, but it proved more difficult than we imagined. I mean, this was the first time in seven years when we didn't have the threat of death constantly looming over us. We jumped at small noises, we were constantly looking over our shoulders, it was pretty bad. So…Ron went to get some firewhiskey-"

"Oh Hermione!" Ginny put her face in her hands.

"We didn't get drunk!" Hermione said defensively. "We just wanted to loosen up a little, you know?"

"Yeah well, I think you loosened up a little _too_ much."

"Thank you, Ginny, but I'm aware of that now. Anyway, once we stopped worrying that death eaters were going to burst through the doors and kill us, we found that we rather liked being together, especially now that everything was out in the open."

"It was always out in the open, Hermione, you two just kept finding reasons to ignore it."

"Fine," Hermione was starting to get frustrated with Ginny, though she couldn't say why. "Once we stopped ignoring it, _happy_?"

"Yes. You don't need to get snappy."

Hermione sighed. "Sorry. I'm just confused."

"I'll bet. Why don't you get some sleep, I'll try to think of a god way to tell Ron…and mum."

Hermione sighed, but fell asleep before she could say anything more.

The following morning Hermione woke to a very angry stomach. A half hour elapsed between the times when Hermione entered the bathroom and when she left it, and when she did it was to find Harry waiting for her in the hallway.

"You okay?" He looked concerned, and was holding out a glass of water toward her.

"Yeah, thanks," she said, accepting it. "Must be getting the flu, I guess." From the way he nodded, Hermione guessed that Ginny had kept their secret for now. "Where's Ron?"

"Still sleeping. Mrs. Weasley should be done making breakfast soon, er, if you're up to it."

"I think I'll pass. I'm sure I'll feel better with some sleep." Harry patted her on the shoulder and headed down to eat. Hermione made to return to Ginny's room, but a sudden wave of nausea caused her to fall to the floor instead. Feeling thoroughly sick, she decided to head up to Ron's room.

"'Mione, is that you?" Ron said groggily as Hermione crawled into bed with him. "What are you doing?"

"I don't feel good," she replied simply while curling up into a ball. "I just don't want to be alone right now."

"Yeah, yeah sure," said Ron, and as she pulled the blankets up to her face he wrapped his arms protectively around her and fell back asleep. Hermione fell asleep too, but not before thinking that even though this baby was unplanned, she, _they_, were lucky to have him.


	3. Chapter 3

When Hermione woke, the first thing she saw was Ron, but she thought she was hallucinating because she thought she saw him _reading_, which simply didn't make any sense. She blinked several times and, sure enough, he was sitting in the corner of his room, reading.

"Ron?"

"Oh, you're up," he smiled at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading."

"Yes, I see that, but why?"

"You said you didn't want to be alone, but I woke up ages ago, so I found this and started reading to pass the time." He held up _Hogwarts, A History_.

"You're finally reading it?"

"Yeah, you always told me to, I figured now's the perfect time. Especially with everything going so well."

Hermione couldn't stand to look at the happiness on his face. 'Everything going so well,' yeah, it _was_ going well. But how is it going to be now? How was Ron going to react when she told him?

"'Mione?" Ron was looking curiously at her; apparently her emotions were showing on her face. She quickly threw on a smile, one he returned. "Do you want to grab some lunch?"

"Sure," Hermione said while throwing the blankets aside. She felt much better now, ready to take on the world even. She did, however, ignore the mirror as she passed it; she was sure that she didn't look as well as she felt.

"There," said Ron carrying a stack of no less than ten sandwiches with varying toppings and meats to the table, "bone appetite."

"Bon appétit," Hermione corrected with a laugh, "and why did you make so many?"

"I couldn't figure out which kind I wanted, so I made them all. But I'll let you choose first," He said with a smile. Hermione smiled back and picked a plain turkey and swiss. "Yes, I was hoping you wouldn't take the roast beef!" Ron dug in enthusiastically.

Hermione nibbled on the edge of hers cautiously. "Ugh, no, not this one." Ron gave her a queer look as she pushed the offending food out of her sight. She looked at the remaining sandwiches to no avail. "Haven't you got any…corned beef?"

Ron continued to stare at Hermione like she'd grown tentacles while saying "No. Since when do you like corned beef?"

"I'm not sure. But doesn't it sound good right now? And maybe with some cheddar…."

"That sounds bloody disgusting. And what's wrong with this sandwich?" he asked, picking up the turkey and swiss. "I thought you loved turkey? I can't've made it wrong, you just smush it all together and put it on a plate. Are you sure you don't want it?" Ron asked while waving it in her face.

"Ugh, no, get that out of my face," Hermione felt her stomach churning, "the smell is disgusting me."

Ron dropped the sandwich and went to Hermione's side, putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulder gently. "Are you still feeling sick? Do you want soup instead?"

Hermione raised her head to look into Ron's eyes and found them so full of emotion that it overwhelmed her; she was crying before she even felt the tears coming.

"What?" Ron leapt back and put his hands on either one of her shoulders, gently turning her toward him. "What's wrong? Hermione?"

"Nothing, sorry," she said while mopping up her tears and plastering on a smile, "soup would be great."

"Right away," Ron said while jumping out of his seat, eager to cheer her up. He headed toward the stairs and yelled "Oi! Ginny! Come down here a sec'." He turned back to Hermione. "Sandwiches I can handle, but soup's a whole 'nother story." Hermione laughed; Ron sat down opposite her. "It's good to hear you laugh again."

Hermione looked at Ron, who was looking at her with revere. "Why?"

"Just after the past year, with us constantly being on the run from death and always having to wear that bloody horcrux, I just didn't get to hear you laugh as much as I wanted to. I didn't even realize how much I missed it; I was so absorbed with all our other problems. But I did. A lot. I love your laugh, Hermione, and I love to hear it again. It's like proof that everything is finally getting back to normal."

Hermione felt her insides squirm, and not because of the sandwiches. She felt oddly guilty, like she was robbing Ron of the normality he so desperately wanted. Of course, he didn't even know yet. Was now the time to tell him? To tell him that everything wasn't back to normal? That nothing would ever be back to normal? That they were going to be parents so soon after finally gaining their freedom? "Ron…-"

"I know, and I want to say it first." Ron's face took on a very serious look.

"You…you know?" And this whole time Hermione had thought that Ginny had kept their secret.

"Yeah, and I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Ron, this is both of our faults."

"No, it isn't. Don't try to cover for my mistakes. I'm owning up to them, like I should."

"Ron, I don't understand-"

"I shouldn't have run out on you. It was stupid and dangerous."

'Oh,' Hermione thought with embarrassment, 'so he _doesn't_ know yet.' Hermione quickly went over what she'd just said to make sure nothing had slipped out before pretending that she knew what he was talking about the whole time. "Listen, Ron, we're passed that, and you've already apologized."

"I know, but I need to do it properly. That's something I could never apologize for enough. Something could've happened to you and I wouldn't have even been there to try and save you."

"But you saved me at Malfoy Manor."

"One good deed can't make up for all the mistakes I made. And the way I treated you before I left; that's unacceptable. I know that what was going on inside my head isn't an excuse for the things I said, and I should have tried harder to ignore those thoughts."

"Ron, really, it's okay. It was hard on all of us, we just reacted differently. I was ignoring you too. I should have been able to convince you that you had nothing to fear. It was a rough time, that's all. Everything's okay now." Or at least she hoped it would be.

"You rang, oh dearest brother?" Ginny asked from the archway.

"Yes," Ron jumped up and started grabbing pots, "Hermione needs soup."

"Just broth would be nice, and I can help-"

"No, you sit right there. You don't need to feel any worse than you already do."

"Broth?" asked Ginny with a knowing smile. "Still not over your uterus-ache?"

Ron turned toward the witches. "Uterus-ache? What's that?"

"She meant stomachache," Hermione blurted out quickly, resenting Ginny to the maximum.

"Oh, right, that's the other name for it, right?" Ron turned back to the stove while Ginny and Hermione shared a silent giggle.


End file.
